I can remember as a child (yes, long, long ago, Ha!) the deep need to explain a situation to my parents and be heard, whether it was a mistake or willful rebellion and it was so important to me that they understood the circumstances. As we experience situations with preschoolers, they also deserve to be heard. As adults, we’re more knowledgeable but not perfect. There could be facts that we don’t know and a child must be allowed to share what they know and feel. We can’t let ourselves assume what happened, but truly investigate the situation to build a trusting relationship.

It’s important that they calm down, take a deep breath and be allowed time to get the words out without interruption. What better way to teach children how to listen! True listening means not thinking of what you’re going to say next – it means repeating what you’ve heard in your own words, “I hear you say that…”. It’s healthy and relieves stress to share our feelings – it’s ok to be angry if we keep ourselves in control.

Listening also means explaining what true and false is. It may be too soon for it to be understood but we must help our kids be aware that we want to believe them but their false words ruin that trust. I’ve used circle time opportunities to share that, for example, ”Is it true that I have purple hair?”, then we list other ideas and decide if they are true or not.

Our children need to know that when we’re disappointed, frustrated or upset that we still love them – it’s their choice that’s the problem, not them personally. They are still forming their self-esteem… it’s like jello: it’s not stable yet. Our negative comments (what’d ya do that for, that was dumb!) harm their self-image. They need phrases that address their actions: “What would’ve been the right choice?” to DISCIPLINE (it means teach) them your expectations. It takes many positive comments to heal the damage of one negative (if it’s ever truly healed). There are many times that parents also need to put forth effort to stay calm.

In our hurried schedules we will benefit in the long run by taking a few minutes here and there – it will prevent bigger problems in the future. Our children need to have a reason to respect us and they should be treated like we want them to treat us and others. Check into the Rural Parenting Iniative classes offered at our school – they have many benefits for all families.