Give yourself a challenge to save the word “No/Stop” for emergencies and safety issues. Practice finding alternatives for every situation, which can be difficult when you’re in the middle of a conflict, so use your ’spare’ time to brainstorm – in a waiting room, in line at the store, getting fuel, etc. Imagine your day from start to finish and picture a common issue that you correct your child with a negative instruction. “Stop running in the house. Leave that vase alone. Don’t be so rowdy.” Turn it into a direction that tells the child what you want them TO DO. “Walk in the house. That vase stays on the shelf, go choose a toy. Now is a good time to choose a book and we’ll read it together.”

It would be miserable to work in an environment where the supervisor was constantly making negative comments but imagine the productivity and cooperation where encouragement and appreciation are given. Children are learning to make good choices – they will make poor choices as they develop. It doesn’t make them a bad child, it makes them just like us… human. They should be aware of the effect of their wrong choice and complimented when they make a good choice. As a child, I can remember wanting to know why and how decisions were made… it helped me be able to make my own as I grew older. Some parents look at it as disrespect or arguing. Use your children’s questions as an opening for discussion. If it becomes an argument, explain that they’re allowed to make some choices: pretending, books to read, clothes to wear, but some choices are for the parent and this is one that the parent will make. It will help them feel understood and less frustrated if their feelings are acknowledged. “Yes, I know you want to stay up late, but your body can’t grow healthy if you do. It won’t feel good when it’s time to get up in the morning. You can choose a story and climb into bed.”

I share a goal with the preschoolers and it’s surprising how well they are able to accomplish it… “Please do (a task) the first time you are asked.” Then, I become a ‘detective’ and ’spy’ until I see it happen – then we recognize it and encourage it to happen again.

Whatever your methods, be consistent. How confusing would it be to drive in a town where the police could give a ticket for no reason or not give it when it’s deserved. I would not respect that law enforcement and it would make obedience meaningless. (Except I want to have safe roads to drive on!)

Find something positive to say everyday (actually, many times during the day). “You worked hard on that block structure. It’s very tall and didn’t fall down. Let’s take a picture of it.” “It’s exciting that you can pretend you’re a sheep – that takes imagination. What would a sheep walk like?”

As you work in the classroom once a month, let’s take advantage of learning from each other and be better people -  I’ll never know it all and see lots of room for improvement in myself. So, don’t be hard on yourself when you make a mistake but strive to change - children are resilient and if you model how to apologize, they will learn a valuable skill. If you need to explain to me a mistake that I made, please use kind words as you discuss it with me. It’s important for me to know about it but ask that we are professional and not discuss between parents – it only breaks down our relationships. I’m an approachable person and will listen carefully to your concerns. Your child is the priority in my classroom… but I’m human and depend on you to teach me about your child. Our children deserve the best!